Man, I love Florida! The sun, the sand, the surf, the scenery! I even love Ron Desantis! Can’t forget the stupid criminals! It seems that Florida leads the league in dumb criminals.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s a GOOD thing! I want to eventually make Florida my home, so I prefer the criminals be dumber than I am.
Obviously, the preference would be to just stay on the right side of Johnny Law, right? I mean, get a job, contribute to society, hang out and enjoy the Sunshine State!
I guess that’s just too much to ask of some folks. Recently, one Florida drug dealer took lazy to new heights. Oh, and stupid. Can’t forget the stupid. Let’s check Fox News for the mind-numbing details:
An 18-year-old suspected drug dealer in Florida was arrested after asking a county commissioner if he wanted to buy cocaine in a “random text message,” authorities said Monday.
Jack Edward Fisher was arrested after an undercover buy-bust operation in Palm Coast, the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office said.
Flagler County Commissioner Joe Mullins alerted the sheriff’s office that he received a text from someone offering to sell him an “eight-ball” of cocaine, Sheriff Rick Staly said.
— Rob Mattox (@RobMattox2) August 16, 2022
Jake, Jake my dog, why? Why would you just throw a random text out trying to sell your cocaine? This isn’t a used car lot Jake! You can’t just cold call for cocaine sales!
I mean, I understand texting the wrong number and all. Not going to say I haven’t done that and had to subsequently talk myself out of trouble. It happens. However, if you are offering up booger sugar, perhaps know EXACTLY who you are texting!
Whoever taught this young man how to deal drugs needs to be kicked out of the profession. Of course, if that person is this lazy, with this little attention to detail, good chance he is saving Jake a seat in county lockup.
Detectives took screenshots of the text conversation between Mullins and the suspect, whose phone number they said was later traced to Fisher.
Mullins, working with authorities, kept in touch with Fisher and arranged an in-person meeting at a local pond. Fisher was arrested without incident after walking up to the undercover detective vehicle to make the sale, the sheriff’s office said.
Just for future notice, I did not know that ponds were the choice place to buy drugs in Florida. Seems like a more likely place to get attacked by an alligator.
Of course, considering what Jake was holding, I’d take my chances with the gator.
Fisher was found in possession of a bag filled with 3.17 grams of fentanyl, which authorities said was enough to potentially kill 1,585 people.
Yep, I’m #teamgator on this one. That kids, is a lot of fentanyl. Actually, any amount of fentanyl is too much. Thanks again for those open borders Brandon!
Fisher was charged with felony possession of fentanyl with intent to distribute and unlawful use of a two-way communications device. He was held on a $3,000 bond at the Sheriff Perry Hall Inmate Detention Center.
Fisher was previously arrested in April on misdemeanor charges of alcohol possession by a person under 21 years of age and marijuana possession of 20 grams or fewer.
They say marijuana is a gateway drug. Do they mean dealing it as well? Because that’s a pretty big leap from a possession rap to fentanyl. Florida authorities aren’t messing around with the fentanyl, and Jake might find himself doing some serious time in the old Graybar Hotel.
Next time Jake, double check the phone number before you hit “send”.