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What? Forget Chuck E Cheese, Mom Chooses Satan for Daughters First Birthday Party

Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

I haven’t had too many jobs in my adult life; automotive work, restaurant work, writing, and some farm work growing up. One of my favorite things however was throwing the birthday parties as a crew person at McDonald’s. If you aren’t familiar, back in the day McDonald’s, for a fee would host birthday parties, complete with Happy Meals, balloons, games, and an incredibly delicious cake. Don’t think I didn’t help myself to all of that sugary goodness I could get my hands on.

I always enjoyed interacting with the kids and flirting with the moms, (don’t judge) and it was an opportunity to NOT have to be in the back end of the restaurant for a couple of hours. Winner!

As I got older and had kids of my own, McDonalds had stopped doing the parties, and I was sick of the cake. Just kidding, I wish I had one now. I moved on to where every adult in the ’90s with a kid was contractually obligated to move on to, Chuck E Cheese. Cardboard pizza, video games, ball pits with sticky balls, who could ask for a better birthday? Let’s not forget the six-foot rat and the animatronic band!  What better way to make sure your kid wasn’t going to sleep for a couple of days?

Perhaps Satan? Wait, what? Recently, a mom CLEARLY not in the running for mom of the year threw her daughter an interestingly themed birthday party, complete with all of the trapping of the pit of despair. Check this out from the New York Post:

A mother has incurred the fiery wrath of social media watchdogs after throwing what appeared to be a Satanic-themed birthday party for her 1-year-old daughter.

Janeth Zapata shared photos of her daughter Lilith celebrating her first birthday in a black outfit at the party decorated with black and pink decor, including a piñata resembling Baphomet, a goat-headed deity used in occult rituals.

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Uh, ok? I get black and pink. Goth kids, right? Every brooding teen girl at some point busted out the black eyeliner and black nail polish. None I knew ever busted out the goat-headed deity Baphomet. That would’ve been a short hang, to say the least.

The photographs and footage show Lilith posing by what appears to be a Satanic star used for sacrifices, digging into a cake topped with a pentagram made of icing, and breaking into the Baphomet piñata.

Now, it’s bad enough that this mom has already put her daughter behind the proverbial 8 ball by naming her Lilith; Lilith meaning “night monster’, a demonic figure from Jewish folklore, so why not go ahead and go full “Princess of Darkness”?

I assume the games and activities were evil as well. Did they have an evil bouncy house? Maybe a ball pit of fire? Was there a petting zoo featuring all goats? You can’t get that at McDonalds, or Chuck E Cheese.

Of course, as any good mother would do, mom came to the defense of her baby girl, and her life choices when social media came calling.

“I see there are many news sites that put out my daughter’s party with lies,” she told CEN.

“1. We’re not Satanists. 2. There were guests. 3. The party didn’t have anything Satanic. 4. The piñata isn’t Satan, nor the Devil, it’s Baphomet. 5. The pentagram isn’t inverted because it’s not Satanic.”

I guess every day is a learning experience, right? Today I learned that a pentagram is ok if it isn’t inverted. Guess I know what my next tattoo is! I also (wrongly?) assumed Satan and the Devil were the same thing. It makes me slightly unsettled to know that Satan has an assistant, ala Dwight Schrute. Assistant TO the evil regional manager?

I’m going to go ahead and jump to some conclusions if I may. Mom CLEARLY isn’t winning “mother of the year”, she definitely isn’t going to be allowed on the PTA, and poor Lilith will be in therapy sooner rather than later. The cake looks delicious though, so there’s that.