Katy Perry has had a long, celebrated career. From “Teenage Dream” to American Idol, Perry has personified the girl-next-door beauty and has stayed relevant in an age when so much pop music is gross, obscene and disposable. When Perry burst on the music scene, much of her music seemed risqué for the time, but in contrast to 2022, it’s almost contemporary Christian by comparison. “I kissed a girl” seems wholesome compared to “WAP’. Such is the age we live in!
A recent viral clip from one of her concerts has hinted that perhaps Katy Perry is a little more than meets the eye. In fact, based on the clip in question, we have to wonder if Katy Perry is even real, or has Orlando Bloom developed an advanced replicant so he can keep Perry chained up in their basement. I mean, she is way out of Bloom’s league, so that’s what I would do. Watch this insane clip.
What’s happening 👀 pic.twitter.com/T9L59bmtoQ
— AG 🔥 (@Yolo304741) October 23, 2022
So many questions! What in the name of Dwight Schrute’s “Recyclops” is Perry doing with so many cans on her….um…. cans? I am all for saving the earth and recycling, but as wearable apparel? Katy has always pressed the issue fashion-wise but wearing something that you would have to completely remove to get through airport security might be a little much.
He’s creating a different world for our children. ♻️
Excited to reveal my latest officially licensed art for The Office! This one featuring RECYCLOPS! This is exclusively available at https://t.co/AUeqwg5xvo as prints, shirts, and mugs.
Links to buy in 🧵 pic.twitter.com/CeoXZB4tUA
— Chelsea Lowe (@cmloweART) September 21, 2022
Based on the bizarre viral video, I am offering a few possible theories for Katy’s “eyeball malfunction”. Keep in mind I am not a scientist, and none of these theories are rooted in any possible reality.
- Katy Perry is in fact a fembot. Based on my exhaustive research of the Austin Powers movies, and the recent technological advances in AI (thanks Elon), the possibility exists as I suggested that Orlando Bloom has Perry squirreled away in some dystopian love dungeon and replaced her with an almost life-like copy. Blink twice Katy if that’s what’s happening.
- The Matrix is real. I have often thought this to be the case anyway. It’s 2022 and men are women, women are men, men can get pregnant, and Democrats think we can control the weather. Prove to me this isn’t all a simulation. Until then I’ll just stare (with one eye) at this red and blue pill while I try to decide.
- Katy Perry was sent back in time by Elon Musk to protect the world from a Terminator, (Lizzo) and the extermination of pop music. Sadly, I think her mission is failing and the only thing that might be able to save us from Megan Thee Stallion is SkyNet.
- After her 18th booster, Katy Perry has become some sort of part human, part MRNA hybrid. Possibly the future of humanity. At least she is “staying safe”.
- The most logical explanation is that she thought she saw me in the audience and was giving me a subtle hint to rescue her from greasy Orlando Bloom and take her away from the fame and the excess. Yea, that’s probably it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a blue pill to take.