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One More Reason To Avoid Australia: New ‘Super-Size’ Trapdoor Spider Species Discovered

Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

Thinking about a vacation? If you can afford one under Joe Biden and the democrats, where to go? Mexico is terrible, Canada is cold, and California is a communist hellscape, so what now? Maybe England? Too much rain. Maybe France? Nah, too many French people. How about Australia? The “land down under”. Vegamite sandwiches, “Men at Work”, Crocodile Dundee, beautiful beaches, super size trapdoor spiders. Wait, what? Oh, hell no.

A new species of spider has been discovered in Australia, which begs the question, why is anyone searching for larger, scarier spiders? The trapdoor spider is common in Australia, but now they have discovered the McDonald’s “super size me” version of the spider. Cool! Check this out.

Researchers in Australia have made a big discovery: a super-size species of trapdoor spider found only in Central Queensland.

The arachnid has been dubbed Euoplos dignitas — a name “derived from the Latin “dignitas,” meaning “dignity” or “greatness” — “reflecting the impressive size and nature of the spider,” scientists with the Queensland Museum said in a statement.

“Impressive size” aren’t two words anyone wants to hear when describing a spider, snake, or anything else that can bite you or give you nightmares.

Trapdoor spiders dig holes, then create a trap door to catch unsuspecting prey when it strolls by. The fact that there is a supersize version should keep everyone up at night.

The spider lives in open woodland habitats and builds its burrows in the black soils of the Brigalow Belt in Central Queensland, which is on the northeastern coast of Australia.

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The species has lost much of its habitat to land clearing, which most likely makes it an endangered species, the scientists said.

No habitat? No problem! That just sounds like fewer gigantic spiders digging holes and terrorizing the populace. I’m all for conserving species and their habitats, but in this case I think extinction would make people sleep better at night. So, how big was this nightmare finding?

While the Australian team did not detail how big their find is, trapdoor spiders are typically up to 1.5 inches long and nest underground, according to National Geographic. They are hairy tropical spiders, and their bites can cause pain and swelling in humans.

According to Britannica, the spiders construct burrows in the ground and build silken-hinged doors. The spiders then feed by quickly opening the trap doors and grabbing unsuspecting insects that pass by.

The regular size trapdoor spiders are big enough to make me wear shoes around the clock, but a supersized one likely would require a sidearm and a flashlight. Or maybe just never going to Australia, because there are plenty of things in America that can make you poop yourself and run away. Like Chipotle and Joe Biden.

In a video posted to announce the Australian discovery of the giant creepy crawler, Michael Rix, the principal curator of arachnology with the Queensland Museum Network, said the experts were excited to “scientifically document this new species.”

Jeremy Wilson, a research assistant in arachnology with the Queensland Museum Network, said in the video that the research is exciting because “you just never know what you’re going to find.”

Wilson said naming the new species has real-life positive ramifications, because being a known species means “it can be protected.”

Between flying snakes (that’s a thing), box jellyfish, and giant trapdoor spiders, I’m just going to go ahead and say it. You do you Australia, I’m going to risk it with the cartels in Mexico, or Joe Biden in DC.