Skip to content

Go on the Cruise of a Lifetime, for a Lifetime!

Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

I have never been on a cruise. Just never had the desire. Something about being on a ship without the ability to get off the ship, barring an unfortunate accident that doesn’t sit well with me. The experience some people had during covid didn’t help. Trapped on a boat, cramped living quarters, overflowing sewers, running out of food. Not to mention having to see the same people day in and day out. Pretty awful if you ask me.

I have friends and family that swear by them though. Rave reviews about the food, activities, all the drinks. I do mean ALL the drinks. It DOES sort of sound like a good time. Maybe at some point I will give it a try and like it. Who knows, maybe I will want to stay forever on the high seas like Captain Jack Sparrow! I doubt it, but a new company is giving scallywags the opportunity to take the cruise of a lifetime, for a lifetime. Check this out from Outkick:

The luxurious Storylines cruise line is betting on people wanting to get out of the country and back on the water. Only this time, indefinitely. For prices starting as low as $1 million, Storylines is offering life aboard a cruise ship forever.

Wow, forever? I mean, that might come in handy when climate change turns the world into a postapocalyptic nightmare aka the Kevin Costner classic “Waterworld”, but until then do you really want to be on a boat 24/7? It certainly looks nice, but it just doesn’t feel right, especially at the million-dollar price tag. Plus, considering food and drink are included for lifetime, my lifetime would be significantly shorter. As my mom would say, “that’s how they get ya”.

Storylines is building the 741-foot, 18-deck MV Narrative to house 1,000 occupants in 547 different rooms. The cheapest room option will be a $1 million, 237 square-foot studio option that comes with a queen-sized Murphy bed that you can store in your wall when you’re not using it. However you won’t be able to bring your flat screen TVs, as you will have to use the room’s television — which comes on a swivel.

The more expensive condos range all the way up to a 1,970-square-foot four-bedroom, two-floor home. That’ll run you $8 million dollars to spend the rest of your life.

"*" indicates required fields

Will you vote for Trump in 2024?*
This poll gives you free access to our premium politics newsletter. Unsubscribe at any time.
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Wow, that’s a big boat. For a million dollars, 237 square feet seems a little small. Talk about cabin fever. Plus, have you ever slept on a Murphy bed? Ouch. The ship better have a full-time chiropractor. I’m pretty sure the Murphy bed was invented as a torture device, albeit a space saving torture device.

The cruise ship — expected to launch in 2025 has been reportedly selling pretty well — with some floor-plans close to selling out. 

It will continuously circle the globe, making stops along the way at places like Montenegro and Istanbul. The expected global round trip will be every 3 and a half years, and then you do it all over again. 

At least you won’t see the same scenery every day. Except water. So much water.  That all looks alike to me. This sounds like an excellent idea if you have the means and are fed up with the mainland, but questions still remain. Can you choose your neighbors? Can you bring your dog? Where do you send mail? Are Doc, Julie, Gopher, Isaac, and captain Stubing coming?

I think I will wait and see how the terrestrial housing market is going to shake out before I swear off of land, thanks.