Skip to content

American Hero Chestnut Eyes New Prize

Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

It’s been a tough stretch for American pride, no?

Heroes are in short supply. We have a soft generation of kids hiding behind computer screens, kids getting trophies just for showing up, and most of our college campuses are littered with “safe spaces” in case someone needs a good cry.

Yep, anymore you see as many snowflakes in the summer as you do the winter.

What America needs is a hero! A steady force for good to emerge from the shadows and remind us of what being an American is all about!

We need Joey Chestnut! Joey Chestnut is the greatest professional eater of our lifetime, though I’m not sure if we had professional eaters BEFORE our lifetime, but no matter! Chestnut is a legend.

Recently Chestnut defended his Nathans hot dog eating title on the 4th of July in dramatic fashion. With a walking boot on his bum ankle, Chestnut scarfed 63 dogs, and even found time to choke slam a protester without missing a bite. That is the bad ass stuff of an American legend.

"*" indicates required fields

Will you vote for Trump in 2024?*
This poll gives you free access to our premium politics newsletter. Unsubscribe at any time.
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Our man Joey now has turned his sights to another mountain. Not a literal mountain, you can’t eat that. Rather Chestnut is attempting to set the record for popcorn consumption. Granted, I didn’t know that existed, but who cares! Let’s go Joey! Let’s pop on over to Outkick to find out more:

Chestnut is hoping to add to his tally of more than 50 competitive eating records at the World Record Popcorn-eating Challenge at Victory Field, the home of Minor League Baseball’s Indianapolis Indians.

28.5 is the number to beat. That’s the current popcorn record for 24-ounce servings consumed of the movie theater staple.

Chestnut usually dunks whatever he is eating in water to make it go down easier, whether it be dogs, or chicken fingers. How is he going to do that with popcorn?

Is the popcorn going to have butter and extra salt? I have so many questions.

Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much I love the Indianapolis Indians. Screw political correctness. No one is going to tell Indianapolis they can’t use the name ‘Indians”!

“Since I’ve moved to Indiana, I have loved going to Indianapolis Indians games and enjoying the whole experience – including the items offered at the concession stand,” Chestnut said. I’m ready to claim the world champion popcorn-eating challenge at the best minor league ballpark in America at Victory Field, surrounded by Hoosiers, doing what I love.”

How can you not feel pride swelling in your chest when you listen to Joey Chestnut? Or your cholesterol and blood pressure spike when you see him eat 44 chicken fingers in 5 minutes? No Cane sauce I assume.

The other competitors just need to skip the weekend festivities and spare themselves the embarrassment. If Joey Chestnut eyes the prize, no one is taking it away from him.

Chestnut will try to break the record on August 23 but was at the ballpark a week earlier to train on some dollar menu items, meet fans, and hand out bottles of his signature sauce.

What a true patriot. Nothing says America like minor league baseball in America’s heartland. And gluttony and excess. Not saying those are bad things, America is famous for both. We need to take pride in what we are good at.

Let’s go Joey! August 23rd it’s going down! Into your belly! America!