Late-night talk show hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert did not handle the revelation that Donald Trump would once again be their president after stomping a mud hole in Vice President Kamala Harris in the presidential election on Tuesday. Not only did the new president-elect win, it was a landslide. He took all seven swing states and even won the popular vote. Harris was completely flattened.
Which led to both Kimmel and Colbert, on their respective programs, suffering emotional breakdowns. Apparently these two have secretly been women the whole time, which is ironic, as Cry Baby Kimmel once hosted a program called, “The Man Show.” You’d think a pair of XY chromosomes would be necessary to lead a show with that title, but I guess it was ahead of its time. So progressive, so mindful.
According to Breitbart, Kimmel actually fought back tears during sections of his opening monologue. Which is absolutely pathetic in just about every way.
“Let’s be honest. It was a terrible night last night,” he went on to say, his voice quivering. “It was a terrible night for women, for children, for the hundreds of thousands of hard working immigrants who make this country go, for health care, for our climate, for science, for journalism, for justice, for free speech.”
“It was a terrible night for poor people, for the middle class, for seniors who rely on Social Security, for our allies in Ukraine, for NATO, for the truth and democracy and decency,” he added. Regaining his composure, Kimmel threw out a few insults at Trump, comparing him to Emperor Palpatine in the “Star Wars” films. Which is stupid, given that Joe Biden actually looks like that particular character, but hey, Kimmel’s the star here, right?
Colbert decided to get mean and nasty in his opening monologue.
“Well, f***. It happened… again,” he began his monologue. “After a bizarre and vicious campaign fueled by a desperate need not to go to jail, Donald Trump has won the 2024 election.”
He later added: “As a late-night host, people often say to me, ‘Come on, part of has gotta want Trump to win, because he gives you so much material to work with.’ No, no. No one tells the guy who cleans the bathroom, ‘Wow, you must love it when someone has explosive diarrhea. There’s so much material for you to work with.’”
NBC’s Seth Meyers took a more emo approach by resurrecting Kamala Harris’ “joy.”He opened his monologue saying it was “a privilege to be here with you, to not feel alone,” adding: “we’re not going to let anything take that joy away, even when we’re talking about things that are not particularly joyful.”
Does anyone actually watch this crap still? Why would you subject yourself to such low-brow entertainment from hacks who have zero talent? Checking my notes. It says here these two are called “comedians.” If that’s what they are, why aren’t they, you know, funny and stuff?
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I can’t think of two dudes with more irrelevant opinions than Colbert and Kimmel.